I Tried But You Know it's a Lonely Ride
by arendelsa
Summary: The day of Haley's funeral arrives and once the mourners leave, Aaron is surprised to find a face from his past saying her own goodbyes. But after everything they have been through, just how much can they open up to each other?


It was funny how a place so full of life became the final resting place for the deceased. Amongst the soft tufts of grass, blooming flowers and tinted leafs that were occasionally caught in a warm breeze, were well polished slabs of marble and granite - a testimony to those who had found their last home beneath the soil. Walking through the plots, quiet out of respect and grief, were the most recent mourners.

On one side of the coffin, was Derek Morgan. Just managing to keep up was Spencer Reid, hobbling across the blades with his cane. The other side of the coffin was supported by David Rossi, behind the three men walked Emily, JJ and Penelope. All six of them were in various states of grief, all of them showed it in every feature. One man, however, was struggling more than most. Aaron Hotchner, holding his son Jack tight, was forced to keep it together for the young child's sake.

Making speeches was hard, every word getting caught in an asphyxiating fashion. Every syllable threatening to send a cascade of tears tumbling down. Watching Jack's face, too young to be styled in grief, powered the strong man on. Standing there, made to talk about the life Haley had lived, was enough to reach breaking point. Yet he had to keep going, he knew that. Occasionally, he caught glimpses of his team, stood there with streaks of tears decorating their cheeks, sending their eyes red and bloated. Using his words, he attempted to reassure those around him. He tried desperately to illustrate everyone on how amazing his former wife was. It was unnecessary - they all knew.

But Jack needed to hear his words; this would be the last memory of his mother. It was a terrible one, but it was the one he was stuck with. When the child looked back on his young years, he would remember watching everyone lay a rose down upon the shining case of the coffin. They were white. Innocence. Something the Reaper didn't care about.

Thankfully, those around him showed their respect, leaving once they had placed their rose goodbye on the coffin. It was just him and Jack now. Both placed their rose on top of the rest of the pile, it was the last thing they could do for her.

"Blow mommy a kiss," Aaron whispered softly, arms wrapped around his boy. Seconds later, Haley received her final kiss. "Come on, we have to leave mommy now,"

Five hard steps had been taken away from her resting place, Jack still looking over his shoulder at the plot. As Aaron fought to keep the tears away, the young child started to tug on his suit.

"What's wrong buddy?" Aaron asked, taking a hold of the hand clutched around the suit to soothe him.

"Who's that?" The boy asked quietly, curiosity extending his arm outwards to point back towards the coffin. Confused, Aaron turned around, unsure about what would unfold. But out of every scenario in his mind, it wasn't the one he expected. Stood there was a woman, tiny in figure, something enhanced by the black, high waist trousers that rather flatteringly clung to her hips. With her back to them, he could only see a trail of light brown hair extend down the dark jacket she wore, but he knew exactly who the mysterious figure was.

"Elle?" He asked quietly, she was unable to hear him. Placing Jack down on the floor, he told him to wait there for him. Taking a breath, he walked towards her.

Approaching, he watched as she placed her own white rose down on the coffin. Knowing she had only met his wife on a couple of occasions - usually at work - he was touched by the gesture. Surprised too.

"Elle," he repeated, extending out his hand and placing it on her shoulder. Immediately she tensed up. Yet, he couldn't move his hand away, it had been too long.

"Hotch?" She whispered, frozen in her place. "I thought everyone had gone,"

"Why did you wait?"

"I didn't want to intrude," she mumbled, finally turning around. She looked so similar to what he remembered from their last meeting in his office; the only change was that her hair had finally grown back, something he was relieved to see. Her shirt was slightly unbuttoned, the top of her scar still a prominent feature. She noticed him looking and immediately wrapped her jacket around herself tightly, obscuring the harsh mark.

"You wouldn't have been intruding," he promised, ignoring her movement in an attempt to make her feel more at ease.

"No. No it's fine, really," Elle sighed, still wrapped in her jacket, looking to the floor. After a small pause in conversation she asked, "How have you been?"

Then she realized.

"Sorry, that is a stupid question," she sighed, looking up quickly, guilt evident.

"No its fine," Hotch reassured her, speaking over her attempts to make up for her mistake. "I'm managing, I guess. How have you been?"

"Not bad. Compared to this, I can hardly complain," Elle sighed.

"Not bad?" Aaron asked, concerned.

"Well, I do still suffer from…" she trailed off, but Hotch understood. "I'm getting counselling… for what happened," She admitted, returning her gaze back to the floor.

"You're only just getting professional help?" Aaron questioned, shocked at how long it had taken.

"Oh no… I've been seeing her for two years now," Elle mumbled, as if ashamed to admit it. Silence took hold firmly. Elle too embarrassed to go on and Hotch unsure about what to say to such a revelation.

"May I?" He finally asked, extending out his arms. For a moment, Elle looked at them numbly, before nodding slowly. With that confirmation, he stepped forwards and pulled her close for a hug. Without a second to think about what she was doing, Elle had flung her arms around his back tightly. Both of them needed the hug and neither of them wanted it to end.

"You need to get back to your son," Elle finally whispered into his body. Slowly, Aaron nodded, pulling away but still keeping his hands on either side of her. "He needs his daddy."

"What about you? You need someone too, is there anyone you can call?"

"No, but I'll be fine, you go to him," and for the first time she smiled.

"Why don't you come with us?" Aaron asked, "You could see the team again."

"I doubt they want to see me-"

"We don't blame you for what happened, Elle,"

"Yes, you do. But I understand," silence fell once more. "I still don't regret it. Does that make me a bad person?" it came out as a whisper and it was an admission of guilt if he had ever heard one. But just watching her retreat into herself, a shadow of the old Elle Greenaway, made a pang of worry spike up. He remembered sending her back into the house to trap Lee, he remembered the dead body they came across hours later. Guilt arrived, but he couldn't focus on that now, not immediately after the funeral.

"Making the wrong decision does not make you a bad person," Aaron finally managed to say.

"That wasn't my question," Elle said, a rather out of place smile creeping onto her lips, "but I understand."

"You aren't the bad guy-" He started; ready to tell her about his own methods of dealing with Foyet. He couldn't comprehend her motives fully, but slowly he could grasp at why she had done what she did.

"You need to go back to Jack," Elle cut him off, serious. "He needs you. And you need to grieve without any of this affecting you."

"I…"

"_Please_. Please go to him, be with the rest of the team. They can help," It was almost like she was begging him. He nodded, taking her hand in his for a second and squeezing it, before turning his back and walking away to his son.

"Who was it daddy?" Jack asked, still in the dark.

"A good friend," Aaron informed him. Picking him up again and walking away. Able to feel eyes on him, he paused and turned back. He caught her gaze, causing a small tint of red to flare in her cheeks. She hadn't expected him to face her. "It was nice seeing you again." Hotch yelled over to her.

"It was nice to see you too," Elle replied, shoving her hands deep inside her pockets.

"I'll call you?" Aaron asked, not ready to say goodbye to her forever just yet. He wanted to know about the help she was getting, what she was doing with her life now and how she truly felt over the past.

"You'd need my number for that,"

"Ah… you're forgetting about the skills of Penelope Garcia," Aaron managed to joke, despite the situation. He knew he would be asking for it once everything was calmer. She knew too and managed to smile once again.

"Well, don't waste too much time tracking me down,"

"See you soon Elle," He replied, having the final world. Defeated in any attempt to keep him shut out, she nodded and turned away, walking to her car. Aaron waited until she had turned a corner before allowing his self to walk away; casting one last look over Haley's grave, before leading his son away from the scene.

In the midst of the darkness endured over the recent days, there was finally something to look forward to… after all of this time, maybe he could finally be reunited with the confusing former college who he had missed so much.

* * *

**This was suggested to me on Tumblr, so I just decided to write in the middle of my psychology essay. I hope you enjoyed this; I personally would have loved to have seen Elle come back for some scenes in the aftermath of Haley's death so I did enjoy writing this, even if the ending was hard to finish. I would appreciate reviews on this, even if it is constructive criticism because it helps me improve. Hopefully, if people are interested, I will write some more Elle orientated work. Or just Criminal Minds in general because I do love the show. Additionally, I hope to update my: Scared is the Excuse Everyone Has Always Used fanfiction in the upcoming days - to all of those who also read that. **

**Thank you for reading.**


End file.
